I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
