they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
