either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
