$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
