U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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