I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
