Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
