And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
