can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
