Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Where is the hickey?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
