If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
