my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
