one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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