She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In other news, I just burned my penis
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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