Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
