i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
