hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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