ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
