I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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