Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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