Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
