i permit you to call me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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