There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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