you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
