you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
