i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
