you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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