I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
