Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
