I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
