So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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