I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
