Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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