you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
