Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
