I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
