They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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