God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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