Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
