There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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