Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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