Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
