he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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