If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
