the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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