so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
