you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
