i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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