i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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