college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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