i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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