No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
nutella sex= disaster
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just pee around me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
