u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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