just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
