I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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