The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
