she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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