I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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